Breaking Free from my Emotional Chains

Over the past month, I have been trying to break free from these heavy energetic chains that have been holding me down for so long. And it’s been really, really hard.

I feel tired, groggy, bloated, and a bit depressed.

I have opened the floodgates by doing yoga and meditation every day. I thought I would feel reprieve, levity, and inner peace - but it’s the opposite. I also have this little voice in my head that says there’s no point in doing all this inner work because I’ve tried it so many times in the past, and it didn’t work.

I am scared and pessimistic.

Deep down, I know I have the answers to find inner peace - but - many past events, and experiences are preventing me from seeing the truth. It’s like I have this thick smoke around me and I’m trying to move through it - trying to find fresh, clean air.

Sometimes I get that clean air, but then it disappears, and I walk right back into the smoke.

I want to plug in a huge industrial fan and blow it away as fast as I can… but that smoke takes time to clear because the fire can change course. The fire (aka my negative thoughts) still burn below the smoke. Some days are windier than other days, producing more powerful flames and plumes of smoke.

But it takes time for fires to settle and smoke to fade. Just like my mental health. It takes time, and that drives me up a wall because I feel the need to hurry. Hurry, so I can break these chains that have bound me for so long. Hurry, so I can finally feel enough. Hurry, so I can get any pain over with. Hurry, so I can finally be my true authentic self.

But the best things in life can take time. And my mental health is something I’ work on every day. I can’t give up. I can’t compare my journey to others (even though I often do). And I can’t give up on myself.

I must also realize the importance of each moment. Each moment will help me move through the smoke and find that horizon where I can finally take a deep breath and let go of what no longer serves me… So I can have more peace and love for myself - and, of course, others, as a result 💕